Parental Jihad

We all somehow kind of know the definition of the term Jihad by now. No, not the terrifying definition of "holy war" that gets pushed at us from the media, but the actual haq, the true definition of: Struggle.

For many of us sisters, wearing a hijab can be a type of jihad, or struggle. Peer pressure can be a struggle. Balancing our priorities can be a struggle. But sometimes the toughest jihad for us can be with the ones that are the closest to us- our parents.

Our creator tells us in the Quran that, "...We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination." [31:14]

Respect to our parents can be a huge test for us. Many of our parents may not be born and raised here, so the culture clashes, the societal differences, and the difference in mindsets can create an environment of hostility and hinder the ties with our parents.

Before we really delve into this more, there are some main points across the board that are the reason behind the rift that begins between children and their parents

Common Issues that cause trouble between parents and children:

§  Culture Clash: For many children, especially in the west, our parents were immigrants, they weren't born here, they had to come from overseas and establish a whole new lifestyle and adapted to a whole new setting, which in and of itself can be extremely difficult. So while they were still trying to create a 'back home' environment here, we were trying to create a 'this home' environment here, creating a clash of cultures, that sometimes leads to little squirmishes between our families.

§  Wavering levels of Religiosity: Sometimes, when we become closer to the Deen, and our parents or the people around us are not taking the same journey, we get annoyed we get frustrated we, sometimes, out of our own arrogance become angry. The wavering levels of religiosity sometimes make us think that its okay to mistreat our parents or talk down to them etc when rather religiosity and getting closer to the Deen should mend the gaps and heal the cracks. 

§  Lack of Communication

Example of Ibrahim (alayhisalam)

§  In terms of the issue of wavering religiosity, the life of Prophet Ibrahim, alayhisalam provides a great example.  Prophet Ibrahim, alayhisalam's father was an idol maker and who was Prophet Ibrahim? A messenger of Allah. Right off the bat, you can see the extreme levels of religiosity. This is not the common day 'you are doing bid'ah" stuff, this was idol worship, clear out polytheism versus Islam, one creator, One God. Even though his dad was the one who made the idols, Prophet Ibrahim, alayisalam approaches his father in a calm and compassionate manner. He doesn't approach him screaming or yelling, he approaches him by saying 'My Dear father...' He approaches his father with humbleness, trying to tell him and explain to him nicely, calmly how illogical idol worship. Prophet Ibrahim, alayhisalam was a PROPHET, yet when he speaks to his father he tells him that “with the LITTLE bit of knowledge that Allah has given me” this worshipping idols doesnt seem right. Humility & Humbleness!

§  Even when his father kicks him out, he doesn’t throw a tantrum. The reply is calm and forgiving.

Solutions:

§  Love & Compassion always. 

§  Do a small thing for your parents every week whether it may be as simple as a hug or washing dishes- something that makes them happy.

§  For those that don’t live with your parents- always keep in touch. Call them at least once a day. (tell Trinity story)

§  Pray together –(…the family that prays together is less prone to suicide, depression, and other problems) -Wisam Sharieff

§  Always be mindful of them. Remember Allah when you are about to sin but if you are not or if your taqwa is not there, remember your Parents and through that maybe you’ll remember Allah. Some teens when they come to that age where all they want to do is rebel don't really care what Islam says regarding this or that, they just want to do it. Because they're not taught to love Allah, not taught to get to know Allah, they don't bring Allah to mind when committing sins. However, most of these same teens parents would probably have a heart attack if they knew what their children really did and so for those that don't remember Allah, remember how that sin you might be about to commit, imagine how hard it may hit your mom or your dad, and may through this remembrance, you may remember Allah. In reality, it should be Allah's remembrance that brings about remembrance of your parents, but for those that don't have a relationship with Allah, mend the relationship with your Creator first and then be mindful of your parents, who have such a huge role in your upbringing. 

Reminder to ourselves first, inshaa'Allah.