I am more religious than my parents, what do I do?
(via notes from Quran Intensive 2011)
Any good is from Allah, everything bad, I apologize.
When looking at how to live our daily lives we must look at the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (sws). In hardship, this is just as important. An important story to look with this issue is the story of Prophet Ibrahim and his father mentioned in Surah Mariam (Tafsir notes are attached at the bottom)
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42. we said: "O Adam! dwell Thou and Thy wife In the Garden; and eat of the bountiful things therein As (where and when) ye will; but approach not This tree, or ye run into harm and transgression."
43. then did Satan make them slip from the (garden), and get them out of the state (of felicity) In which They had been. we said: "Get ye down, all (ye people), with enmity between yourselves. on earth will be your dwelling-place and your means of livelihood - for a time."
44. then learnt Adam from His Lord words of inspiration, and His Lord turned towards him; for He is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.
45. we said: "Get ye down all from here; and if, As is sure, there comes to you guidance from me, whosoever follows My guidance, on them shall be no fear, nor shall They grieve.
46. "But those who reject Faith and belie Our Signs, They shall be companions of the fire; They shall abide therein."
47. O Children of Israel! call to mind the (special) favour which I bestowed upon you, and fulfil your Covenant with me As I fulfil My Covenant with you, and fear none but Me.
48. and believe In what I reveal, confirming the Revelation which is with you, and be not the first to reject Faith therein, nor sell My Signs for a small price; and fear me, and me alone.
49. and cover not truth with falsehood, nor conceal the truth when ye know (what it is).
50. and be steadfast In prayer; practise regular charity; and bow down your heads with those who bow down (in worship).
What can we take from this story of Ibrahim?
The Encounter
-Ibrahim did this out of goodness and fear that his father will be punished on the day of judgment, nit to show his knowledge or in any way to be greater than his father.
-We must stat with love and admiration; Ibrahim does not address his father in a stern tone or with any sense of arrogance. He address his father with love “Dear Father”, he says. This shows your sincerity and respect for you parents.
-He is not preaching or overpowering, he pauses giving his father a chance to speak, maintaining the roles of father and son and extending respect to him although he is a disbeliever.
The Message
-He does not point our flaws in the parent but in the action. He does criticize his dad but the actions he takes part it in.
-He maintains composure, keeping himself and understanding to his father’s situation.
-After trying to hit his point in a roundabout way, he continues to clarify but never blames the father.
-there is NEVER a reason to get disrespectful, EVER. You have a prophet, with divine revelation speaking to a super mushrik and he still keeps his composure and humility.
The Effect
-We have to remember that change and accepting Allah is in ones’ heart, giving our parents a talk even if it is with greatest intentions and follows the way of Ibrahim, our parents might still believe but we still must hold them as our parents
Kufi vs. Kufr
If your parents would rather you not wear a kufi when around them, take it off out of respect for your parents if this is going to cause an unnecessary rift in your family. If your parents would rather you not pray, pray out of respect for Allah, you can’t have any rifts in your relationship with Allah.
Sometimes when someone is trying to get closer to the deen they go into ultra- mode, wear a kufi, eat thabiha (zabiha), don’t shake hands, carry a tasbeeh openly; we begin to do many voluntary things to get closer to Allah, alhumduiallah. But our environment necessarily does not. When we are getting closer to Allah, our parent might not be. And this is not in any way to shame them, wanting to be close to Allah is a self-effort you cannot make people want to get closer to Allah they have to want to themselves. And as children we have to respect this especially with our parents. If your mother would rather you not do your tasbeeh with your beads in the mall and this will upset her greatly, Allah gave us hands. We must make a distinction between what “leading us to kufr” really is, if your father would rather you not wear hijab, wear hijab it is commanded by Allah. If your mom would rather you not bust our your prayer rug in the middle of the mall but rather to the side in the corner, go to the corner and pray, if you are still facing the qiblah, you are still praying. As Muslims we have to respect the wishes of our parents.
When we pray all our Sunnahs in the middle our living rooms, bust out our prayer rugs in the middle of the mall, wear our kufis, and (mashallah) all of these things, there is no benefit in it to your parents. Our parents do not get or seek any benefit in their children becoming more religious, so doing these things do not seem beneficial but annoying. How to change this annoyance to a respect for your new found closeness to Allah is to please them. Clean your house once a week, take your siblings off your parents hands for a day, clean your room without your dad asking you to do so, call your mom and say you love her, treat your dad to lunch; do random acts of kindness along with you trying to get closer to Allah. And your parents will notice the effect of you trying to get closer to Allah. They will associate goodness with you trying to get closer to Allah, inshallah.
Conclusion
We must remember that getting closer to Allah is a unique gift from Allah hat we will all experience at different times. We must remain humble and respect that not everyone is experiencing the same iman high but inshallah they will soon.
Any good you got out of this is from Allah and from him Alone. (:
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VERSE 42: Behold, He said to His father: "O My father! why worship that which heareth not and seeth not, and can profit Thee nothing?
Explanation: This begins the discussion Ibrahim has with his father. Some question whether it was his actual father or his uncle, “Ab”=uncle or father. Ibrahim addresses his father with a loving tone, “my dear father” he starts to express the love for his parents, he is sincerely asking why do you worship these idols? He address him in a practical way not in a complex way which seems to be a problem sometimes when we address our parent who seem to not be on the same level of deen as ourselves. He maintains his humility and shows hat he is not trying to be some super knowledgeable person.
Words:
· “Ab”: uncle or father
· “nabi”: someone who carries very important and very relevant news
· “nabwun”: elevated platform, status of prophet
VERSE 43: "O My father! to me hath come knowledge which hath not reached thee: so follow Me: I will guide Thee to a way that is Even and straight.
Explanation: He begin again, “my dear father”, maintaining his composure. There are 4 degrees of emphasis- he is not preaching or screaming, he is crying out to his father, it brakes his heart. Like Muhammad talked to Abu Talib, in a loving tone. He continues, “it is okay if you don’t get it at first but you have to get it dad. listen.” He is not ebing bossy or anything but trying to show hum the right way, he makes his motive clear.
Words:
· “ja”: heavy word for coming, huge emphasis
· “lamyaatekam”: which has not reached you
· “min”: just a little bit of knowledge
· “fuattabe3”: listen
VERSE 44: "O My father! serve not Satan: for Satan is a rebel against ((Allah)) Most Gracious.
Explanation: [no answer] He does not become frustrated with his silence but begins again. “my dear father”, showing sincerity, the conversation becomes more direct. He equates idols to evil, trying to appeal to the reasoning and decency of his his father. He uses the word “rahman”, excessively merciful. While he is speaking of the worse he slips in Islam.
VERSE 45: "O My father! I fear Lest a penalty afflict Thee from ((Allah)) Most Gracious, so that Thou become to Satan a friend."
Explanation: subhanallah! Again, “Dear Father”. He is worries that the punishment of Allah will touch him. Again he mentions the words “rahman”, most merciful, again he speaks of bad and brings up good.
This is a good part for those who are extremely interested in dawah: we have to do it for care and consideration for the people.
VERSE 46: (the father) replied: "Dost Thou hate My gods, O Abraham? if Thou forbear not, I will indeed stone thee: Now get away from me for a good long while!"
Explanation: His father responds, “Are you saying you are disgusted? You want nothing to do with me? You can not like m gods? (And with extreme emphasi), if this is the case, I will kill you, stone you, get away from me, forever.” Ibrahim is crushed, what does he do?
Words:
· “raghebun anta”: “are you digusted?”
· “larjumana…”: super emphasis, “if this is the case, I will stone you…”
· “maleyyan”: a very long period.
VERSE 47: Abraham said: "Peace be on thee: I will pray to My Lord for Thy forgiveness: for He is to me Most Gracious.
Explanation: “assalamualaykum”, this could be taken as an actual good-bye or he is telling his father that he has no hatred toward him, he will continue and will ask forgiveness for him. There are two issues scholars bring up: first, giving salams to a mushirk and second, asking forgiveness for a mushrik. It is permissible to give salams to a nonbeliever by most scholars but it is an Islamic greeting. Secondly, when someone is alive you are allowed to pray for them but when dead we cannot. When Ibrahim found out his father was dead he stopped seeking forgiveness.
VERSE 48:"And I will turn away from you (all) and from those whom ye invoke besides Allah. I will call on My Lord: perhaps, by My prayer to My Lord, I shall be not unblest."
Explanation: He says “ I will leave all of you and everything you worship, don’t worry Allah will take care of me. Why did he not show conviction? He showed hopefulness. Even if our parents are not up tp par in their religion this never given us a right to disrespect them in any way, we must treat them with repect.
Words:
· “hiba”: give as a gift
· “3saa”: uses this word to show hopefulness
VERSE 49: when He had turned away from them and from those whom They worshipped besides Allah, we bestowed on Him Isaac and Jacob, and Each one of them we made a prophet.
Explanation: When he isolated himself from them and idols they were worshipping, Allah gave him Isaac (child) and Jacob (grandchild) and if you continue, yusuf (great grandchild). Allah did not just bless him with pious children, but a family, a blessed family of prophets.
VERSE 50: and we bestowed of Our Mercy on them, and we granted them lofty honour on the tongue of Truth.
This shows that Allah just didn’t leave him but blessed him after this test with his prophet. His family became legends. We must realize that ,Allah will bless us for our efforts. This also shows that calling to Allahis a form of worship. Good Character=shade under Allah. Again Allah uses a plural “our mercy” to show the greatness in it. All blessings of Ibrahim is a drop in the ocean of Allah’s mercy. Why did Allah not mention ibrahim’s son ismail? Because he is spoken about separately, exclusively.
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